Who me? Afraid??

I was just reading a recent Perry Noble blog ("dead snakes and screaming like a girl") and though I present myself as a strong and faithful Christ follower and truly have witnessed His power and love so much more than I deserve, I was hit upside the head with how much time I spend being afraid! Not, hide in the storm cellar afraid but the kind of afraid that keeps me from asking questions, keeps me from overcoming simple, stupid habits of not speaking up because I want to avoid conflict, not asking for help because I don't want to appear as weak as I really am, not making better choices about how I save my money or how I spend my time because I am lazy. The kind of afraid that makes a project or decision that should only take a few weeks, take 3 or 4 months or a year or even never happen.

I use the excuse that I am the only person I can say no to but really, by being less than I know I should be, whether it's less organized or managing my time poorly or saying yes to my kids when I should have said no, I am not being all God would have me to be. He can not use me to all of His glory if I am wasting my time and energy being afraid or too lazy to speak up, ask questions, be organized, manage my time.

Now, I know I am a work in progress and I can look back through my life and see all the ways He has grown me for His glory. I'm not saying I will ever be perfect at these things or saying that you have to be either to be used greatly by God. I am so thankful to know the true statement "in my weakness He is strong." However, what I am saying is we have to stop confusing fear with discernment. Discernment is gathering facts and information about a new project or ministry God has laid on your heart before you start it without knowing what it should look like - discernment is praying before you go welcome the new neighbor or speak to the one who has lived next door to you for 5 years and you've never even said hello, much less invited them to church - discernment is talking to Godly friends who have kids (or Godly friends you trust) before you decide where to send them to school or whether to let them have a Facebook account or go to camp.

Fear is never doing any of the above because as soon as the thought comes to mind, you think, I don't know enough, I don't have enough experience, someone else would be better at that - they don't like me anyway so they wouldn't listen or they should have spoken to me first - they will think I am such a bad parent if I don't already know the answer to this, I'm supposed to have all the answers for my kids.

Praise Him for knowing my faults and weaknesses and loving and working through me anyway. But what greater things does He have planned that He is having to do in other ways until I wake up and stop being afraid of what I can't do when I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that with HIM, with GOD, our loving and all powerful savior, ALL things are possible.

I know that He can use these rantings of mine to speak to your heart because while I am not all that, HE IS!!!

Love and Peace in Christ,

Amy Gieger
Children's Ministry Director